A Bright Future on the Horizon,

I see you following in my footsteps. It’s a long and lonely path. I worry for you. Don’t be like me.

Some one hid it underneath my Cocaine.

I will never forget this day

As I begin to work I realize that I could never be a stay at home leaching person. I actually don’t mind working. It gets you unparalleled satisfaction.

There once was a sad sad song. It went a little something like this,”A man stands alone, and cries to himself ‘why am I all alone?’ He sits by himself, and thinks, ‘Why am I all alone?’ He wonders, what he wonders, he wonder just why?He makes excuses but he knows they are lies. His thoughts they get muttled, and scuttled and rather obscure. He feels alone all the time and he is never quite sure. But when he gets in his zone. He knows that he will always be all alone.”

I feel worthless. I sit around and try and keep myself sane. I have tried with no prevail to get funds. I tried to start my career when I met with a time released road block. That has yet to cease. I feel like a bum.

I am driving on the highway of life. I am speeding. I don’t know where I’m going or if I missed my turn. I always know where I’m at but I am still lost. On the highway of life I am driving down yet I lack drive. I am lost inside my head.

I hate how people can hide stuff from me so well. All they have to do is put it right in front of my face. If you make deathly obvious I will never see it. I am blinded by looking too hard.

As I sit in this beautiful place I can’t help but be depressed. There is entirely too much on my plate. I feel like belimic at a buffet.

First issue is a continuing issue. One I’ve dealt with since I can remember. My felf image. It’s wierd. I can see beauty in anyone. Anyone except my self. I see a lazy sloppy greasy ugly disgruntled mess when I look in the mirror. My reflection doesn’t even like looking at me.

Second I can’t help but be disgusted with who I’ve become. I am a far cry from what I envisioned I would be when I was young. I thought I would be something. I thought that I would be the type of person people envied. I never imagined I’d be what people strive not to become. I’m a dick most of the time. I can’t relate to people. And I feel isolated. The worst part is that I truely care about peoples feelings but not their problems. I am a depressed asshole. Probably one of the worst combinations out there.

Lastly I hate not knowing. I hate that I don’t know what most people truely think of me. I hate not knowing why people don’t like me. I hate not knowing what’s in store for me along this journey called life.

Despite all this negativity I am not afraid of the future. As a wise man once told me “The journey doesn’t end with the trail. It ends when you stop moving your feet.”